If you are a new DM or player, you may have garnered interest in the game by listening to a podcast or watching a twitch stream. Perhaps you wanted to play for years, but the opportunity never arose. Unfortunately, expertly edited shows like Critical Role and NADDPOD can’t always demonstrate what it means to be a “good” player or DM. There’s more to this game than dice and rules. You’re working with other people to accomplish a goal and play a game for months, possibly years. With this much interaction, everyone at the game table needs to understand what polite behavior looks like.
We receive lessons and good manners from our parents and then society, but that doesn’t always translate 1 to 1 to the D&D game table. Remembering to wipe your feet on the doormat before entering the DM’s home should be something we were all taught as children, but players are entering the DM’s world on game day. In so many ways, being a good host and guest in a constructed world is even more important.
This isn’t something we were taught growing up. Only veterans of the game can impart these lessons, so as a veteran player and DM, I’ve compiled a few tips to help navigate game table manners.
Players Are Not Puppets
DMs are the arbiters of reality, so it makes sense that we start with them. I have seen so many inexperienced Dungeon Masters grow frustrated with players making the “wrong choice” or “doing whatever they wanted”. This often accompanies the DM describing hours, upon hours they spent crafting their world, lore, and storyline. Though I sympathize with their frustration, I must remind these rookie DM’s that they did not write a novel.
It’s important to remember that this is a game. Dungeon Masters should allow players to make their own choices and decisions. It isn’t really a game if they’re meant to follow your narrative. This is akin to an overbearing host at a house party. Imagine receiving an invitation to a dinner party, but the person that invited you tyrannically forces a strict itinerary on all the guests. You might end up feeling uncomfortable and choose to decline the next invitation.
It’s better to supply as many options as is reasonable for your players rather than a “right way to play”.
People aren’t coming over to game day to be bossed around. They get enough of that from their 9-to-5. They’re playing D&D to escape their micromanaging boss and to explore magical worlds.
Respect Other People’s Worlds
By that same token, players should respect the hard work and energy their Dungeon Master put into crafting that magical world. Many DMs, especially if they are new, put hours upon hours into preparation. If they’re following my advice in the previous section, they’re writing about interesting encounters, NPCs, secret doors, and dungeons that you will either explore or ignore. Players should respect the demanding work that went into this world by trying to engage with it as if they were actually people living in that world.
In D&D, you can literally do anything. You can say anything. You could try anything. So why would you try to do something outlandish that doesn’t make any sense? If you’re sneaking into an enemy stronghold, why would you run to the barracks and cast fireball? If you’re given a mission by a king, why would you insult him and demand more pay?
No one would behave like this in real life, and the DM hasn’t planned on you acting contrary to common sense. If someone walked into your home and made a mess knowing you would clean up after them, you wouldn’t invite them back to your home. If you act foolishly within the game, the DM and the other players will need to clean up after you. You don’t want to be that guy.
Level up Your Passive Perception
Effective communication skills make up the foundation of playing the game well as either a DM or adventurer, and effective communication begins with good listening. Players will communicate their interest in character and out of game. Dungeon Masters design clues and plot hooks to help players accomplish their goals. If you’re not actively listening as either a player or Dungeon Master, you’re going to miss something important. Worse still, you’re going to miss something that is important to someone else.
Going back to the analogy regarding guests at a dinner party. If you’re hosting a gathering and a friend continuously asks for redirection to the bathroom because you are too distracted to give them a clear answer, then you’re going to have a mess to clean up. All that’s needed to avoid this scenario is a willingness to pay attention to your friends when they talk.
Be a Good Guest/Host
In life, having good manners starts with empathy. Having good manners at the D&D game table is the same. Think about the other people before acting. You don’t have to indulge them, just consider them. If you’re a player, treat the world you’re exploring as if it were someone else’s home. Treated with the same respect you would want others to treat your home. If you’re the Dungeon Master, think of the players as guests. Would your attitude be out of place at the party? Are you providing a fun environment?
My father had a saying that I find suits game table etiquette just as well as real-life manners. He would say, “Remember, it is the duty of the host to make their guests feel at home. It is the duty of the guests to remember they are not.” |
-Ash Alder
Contributor
Big thanks to Ben for letting me crash his blog!
Hi, my name is Ash Alder and I’m the writer/editor at the Wizard’s Respite. You may also know me on Twitter by that name. I write TTRPG reviews, news, and how-to articles like this one. I hope you found the advice useful, or at least entertaining.
Again, I want to thank Ben and his readers for the opportunity to write a guest post here at Tabletop Courant.
 | Visit Ash Here: "A love for fantasy, sci-fi, adventure, good storytelling, and above all else tabletop role-playing games..." |
Shoutout to Ash for contributing this week!
I wrote an article for his site for our content crossover, which you can find here: https://wizardsrespite.com/2022/09/23/dm-tips-delegate/